Overcoming with shyness: Overview

If you are reading this post, you probably know what shyness or
social-anxiety is. Even if you didn't use the term that much.

That tight feeling in your throat, increased heartrate before speaking in front
of a bunch of people you dont know really well. The intense feeling of fear,
before starting a conversation with an attractive person, or meeting someone new
for the first time:

What do they think of me?

Isn't that stupid thing to say?

The painful silence after you are both exchanged names with each other, standing
there looking at each other, waiting and hoping that you will be able to think
of something to say:

Omg! You dont have anything to say. what's wrong with you?

First, lets define these two terms. Because i believe people might confuse these
terms with inappropriate situation:

Shyness: Shyness is the feeling of lack of comfort, or awkwardness
especially when a person is around other people.

Social anxiety: Persistent fear of social situations where one might be
judged, embarrassed, or humiliated.

Shyness and social-anxiety is a common disorder that effect i believe more than
millions.

These types of social challenges are incredibly common. During these challenges,
it's so common to feel most people around you doesn't have these kind
issues. But it's just the way you see the world. What i mean is, this is just
your inner-critique/deciptive-brain, that tricks you to pay more attention to people who are
bold enough in their social interaction. There is nothing actually wrong with
you. You are not broken in some-way. You're just facing some challenging pattern
that is limiting your choices.

So, just knowing that there are so much people like you whoose have similiar
experiences, are giving a great sense of relief. Internet is full of this type
of stories. Online communities like Reddit & Telegram & Forums can people
feel undrestood and supported.

Goal: Being less shy, and having just a moderate anxiety

Ultimately, during our journey of overcoming shyness & social anxiety, We want
to be a person that is less shy and is able to handle a social situations,
E.g.:

• Speaking in front of a group
• return a product to a store that you are not satistfied with.
• Start a conversation with a person(For any goal)
• ...

The fact is, all people are having a sense anxiety in social situations like
this, the only thing that is different is the amount of it! And actually, being
shy in some amount is actually a good thing.

Ha ha😄. Yes there is nothing actually wrong with being shy. In different
cultures(including some type of iranian cultures), Being quite, humble and
respectful of other are pretty valuable thing.

The goal of this journey is not to be never scared again in social
situations. It's unrealistic. The same type of shyness, makes you kinder, more
patient and better listener.

The real goal however, is to look at your life where you feel so limited and
have too much filter on yourself. Eliminating a feeling that you can't do the
things that are really matter to you. What i mean in general is, how much grows
opportunity you lost because you never initiated a conversation with
someone. This can be any kind of opportunity:

• A job opportunity. The job maket is rough these days. Making some friends
  might end up helping you to find a great opportunity to show yourself to
  get involve in the job market.
• Creating a loving relationship with a beautiful partner. A truly life-changing
  thing, which is more possible when you take some mild risks(that you can
  handle of course). But it's impossible when you have a fear of being rejected.

Being too shy and too self-aware, prevents you from living a life that you truly want. Life is just
boring when you feel invisible in population.

The core

Social anxiety & shyness at it's core, is the feeling that says:

I'm not good enough

It can be expanded in different situation:

I'm not attractive enough

I'm not smart enough

I'm not successful enough

I'm not rich enough

And because of that, people will not accept me. They will judge me, reject me. I
will lose the connection with the earth and feel isolated after that.

Keep in mind, you might not literally thinking of these, it is most of the time
happens unconciously. You just feel intense.

When we feel something wrong with us and we are not worthy of love and
belonging, we can describe this in some kind of shame.

What causes this?

Social anxiety is a complex result of the experience of environment you are
growing up.

• Your family
• Your biology
• Your early childhood experiences
• Your experiences in high school
• ...

Social anxiety at its core, is some type of patterns that you are learned wrong
along your life experience. But it can be unlearned

Who cares? let's just focus on the solution.